You know, sometimes you figure things out way later than you should. I spent a good chunk of time thinking this one guy, let’s call him Dave, was a proper mate. We worked together, day in, day out. Shared plenty of coffee breaks, complained about the same stuff, you know how it is.
I remember I put myself out quite a bit for him. There was that time his part of the project was falling behind. I stayed late for nearly a week, pulling extra hours, just helping him get his code sorted. Didn’t ask for anything back, just did it. Figured that’s what you do, right? Help each other out.
Another time, he needed someone to cover his on-call weekend because something came up last minute. It was a pain, messed up my own plans, but I shuffled things around and did it. He said thanks, bought me a coffee Monday morning, and that was that. I thought, okay, solid dude.
We even talked about stuff outside work sometimes. Family things, weekend plans, general life hassles. I shared quite a bit, felt comfortable doing that. He listened, nodded along. Seemed interested enough.
Then came the restructuring talks. Whispers about teams merging, maybe some roles changing. Everyone was a bit on edge. I wasn’t too worried initially, thought my work spoke for itself, and figured people like Dave, guys I’d helped, would have my back if things got tricky.
Well, things did get tricky. My role was put under review. Suddenly, my performance was being scrutinized under a magnifying glass. They pulled up this one project from months ago – the same one I’d helped Dave with. Management had questions about why certain deadlines were nearly missed.
I explained the situation, how I stepped in to help clear a backlog. I expected Dave to chime in, maybe mention how we collaborated to get it done, how I’d helped him out. You know, provide some context.
He said nothing. Absolutely nothing. Just sat there looking at his shoes. Later, I heard through the grapevine that when asked privately, he vaguely implied the issues stemmed from my initial setup of the task workflow. Basically, shifted the blame, quiet-like.
That was the moment. Like a switch flipped. All those times I helped, all those chats, covering for him… it wasn’t about being mates. It was just convenience for him. I was useful when he needed something.
It really sunk in then. I was never his mate. Not in the way I thought. I was just… a colleague he could lean on when it suited him. The reciprocity I expected, the basic ‘I scratch your back, you scratch mine’ of a friendship, it just wasn’t there on his side. Never was.
Didn’t make a big fuss about it. What’s the point? Just learned my lesson. Started keeping more professional distance after that. Focused on my own work. Still friendly, polite, you know. But the extra mile? Nah. Not unless it’s clearly part of the job. Learned to see the difference between a work buddy and an actual mate. Took a while, but I got there.
