So, I’ve been bumping into this idea, or rather, this pattern of behavior a fair bit lately. You know, where it feels like some folks are just phoning it in, especially when it comes to interactions or, dare I say, relationships of any kind. It’s like they’re trying to get by with the absolute bare minimum.
What I’ve Seen Happen
I remember a while back, a friend of mine was telling me about this guy she was seeing. Super casual at first, which is fine. But it quickly became clear that “casual” for him meant “zero effort.” Every single time they were supposed to meet, it was always a last-minute text from him, usually something like “U free?” or “My place?” He never once planned an actual outing. Not even a coffee. And if she suggested something? “Oh, that sounds like a lot of work,” or “Let’s just chill.” It fizzled out, obviously. She got tired of being the only one trying to make anything happen.
Then there’s the communication style. I’ve noticed this a lot. One-word answers. Leaving you on read for days, then popping up like nothing happened. Or when you share something you’re excited or worried about, and the response is just an emoji or a “lol.” It’s like, are you even listening? Or do you just not care enough to type a few more words?
It’s More Than Just Being Lazy
It’s not just about big gestures, or who pays for dinner. That’s not what I’m getting at. It’s the small, consistent things. It’s about showing up, mentally and emotionally. It’s the lack of curiosity, the lack of engagement.
- Forgetting important things you’ve told them, repeatedly.
- Only talking about themselves, never really asking about your day or your thoughts.
- Expecting you to do all the emotional heavy lifting, all the planning, all the initiating.
- Making excuses instead of just saying “I can’t” or “I don’t want to.”
It’s like they expect a connection to just magically appear and maintain itself without them actively contributing anything meaningful. It’s exhausting to be on the other side of that.
My “Practice” These Days
So, what I started doing, my own little practice, is to just observe. I stopped making excuses for people. I used to think, “Oh, they’re just busy,” or “Maybe they’re shy,” or “That’s just how they are.” But now? Nah. I’ve learned that people make time and effort for what they value. It’s that simple.
If I see a pattern of super low engagement early on, I don’t try to coax more out of them. I don’t try to teach them how to be considerate. Honestly, it’s not my job. I used to invest so much energy trying to understand or get them to meet me halfway. Wasted effort, most of the time.
Now, I just match energy. If someone’s giving me crumbs, I’m not going to offer them a feast. I’ll be polite, sure, but I’m not going to pour my energy into a black hole. I just quietly disengage. I focus on people who show up, who are present, who actually seem interested in a reciprocal connection. It’s made a huge difference in my peace of mind, I tell ya.
Life’s too short to be the only one paddling the canoe. If the other person isn’t even picking up an oar, I’m just going to get out and swim to a different boat, or even just enjoy my own company on the shore for a bit. Way less draining that way.
