So I finally decided to bite the bullet and hunt for a Ford Falcon XF – that classic Aussie beast. Woke up crazy early last Tuesday, grabbed my flashlight and overalls, figured I’d teach you folks exactly how I checked this potential ride.
The First Look Test
Drove two hours to see this ’83 XF parked in some dude’s backyard. First thing? Walked circles around the whole car like a vulture. Peeked at panel gaps near doors and trunk – passenger side gap looked wonky, like it’d been kissed by a telegraph pole. Saw mismatched paint on rear quarter too. Seller started sweating when I pointed it out.
Under the Hood Drama
Popped the bonnet and sniffed like a bloodhound. Smelled burnt oil mixed with coolant – nasty combo. Checked the dipstick: oil looked like chocolate milkshake. Means head gasket’s probably toast. Then I jiggled every damn hose – heater hose crumbled in my hand like stale bread. Classic Falcon problem right there.
- Radiator fins: 50% blocked with dead bugs
- Battery terminals: crusty white stuff growing
- Air filter: darker than my morning coffee
The Interior Investigation
Climbed inside and smashed all buttons like a kid playing arcade games. Only cigarette lighter worked – classic. Driver’s seat leaned left like my drunk uncle. Shoved my finger through carpet under pedals – surprise, wet sponge feel and rust flakes rained down. Stuck my head under dash and saw daylight through firewall holes.
Test Drive Truth Bomb
Took it for a spin pretending I’d buy it. Steering wheel shook like a washing machine full of bricks past 60km/h. Brakes squealed worse than my niece’s violin practice. Floor shifted like jelly over bumps – mounts were shot. When I dropped gears, the transmission screamed like a banshee.
Final Showdown
Crawled under with my light while seller bit his nails. Saw:
- Fuel lines spliced with garden hose clamps
- Exhaust held by coat hangers
- Chassis rails with enough bog to plaster a wall
Walked away fast when he said “she’s mechanically sound mate.” Another XF dream crushed by backyard butchery. Might just keep hunting…
