How I Wasted 3 Hours on Jaron Davis
Honestly? Clicked that “best moments” clip thinking it’d be some lazy Sunday background noise. Saw 15 minutes of insane crossovers & slam dunks. My brain went “How hard could it be to imitate this guy?” Grabbed my dusty sneakers from the closet. Big mistake.
The Gear Struggle
- Dusted off my 2018 Jordans – soles peeling like old wallpaper
- Searched for the least deflated basketball in my garage pile
- Found a water bottle half-full. Drank it. Tasted like plastic. Still drank it.
Walked to the cracked public court near my apartment. Chain nets rusted shut. Typical.
Reality Check at the Court
Tried Jaron’s signature hesitation dribble. Ball immediately rolled under a pickup truck parked court-side. Crawled on asphalt to retrieve it. Scraped my elbow. Got a weird sticky substance on my shorts. Fantastic.
Attempted a simple spin move. Ankle twisted sideways. Sat on the concrete wheezing like an old vacuum cleaner for 5 minutes. Watched pigeons fight over a Cheeto.
The Jump That Broke Me
Saw Jaron’s effortless 360 layup compilation again. Felt dumb confidence surge. Ran full speed toward the hoop, jumped… and heard my knee crack like a walnut shell. Landed in a heap hugging my leg. Sweat dripped into my eyeballs. Stung like vinegar. Forgot sunscreen too. Shoulders on fire now.
Limp-rolled the ball home after sunset. Knee swollen like a grapefruit. Emptied my fridge ice tray onto a dish towel wrap. Ate cold pizza over the sink while Jaron’s highlights autoplayed. Felt my phone buzz in my pocket. Pulled it out. Screen was cracked diagonally. No idea when that happened.
Lessons learned? Jaron Davis makes inhuman movements look stupid easy. I am barely 40% human after 3 attempts. Currently applying frozen peas to multiple body parts. Would I try again? Yeah. Probably tomorrow. But maybe just practice dribbling first.
