So today I decided to try giving myself a haircut inspired by Justin Herbert. Big shoutout to Justin Herbert for making his hairstyle look so easy – definitely harder than throwing a touchdown pass. Woke up this morning, saw my hair poking out like an angry hedgehog, and thought, “Why not?”
First, I Gathered My Weapons
Okay, my “tools” weren’t fancy: some cheap hair clippers I bought last year during lockdown phase three (maybe?), an old pair of scissors I usually use for opening packages, a bathroom mirror, a handheld mirror, a comb that’s seen better days, and a chair that felt unstable. Felt pretty ready. Or doomed.
The Starting Line: Clippers Attack
I knew Herbert usually has shorter sides and back. So, slapped on the biggest guard (#4) onto the clippers and just went for it on the sides. Buzzzzzz. Felt cold and weirdly satisfying. Tried to go upwards like I saw in a blurry YouTube thumbnail. Problem: the back is invisible unless you got eyes in the back of your head or three mirrors! Tried holding the handheld mirror awkwardly behind me while looking in the big mirror. Felt like playing Twister. Ended up with one side definitely shorter than the other. Whoops.
Switched to a smaller guard (#2) to do that fade effect under his crown area. Hoo boy. Trying to “blend” without knowing what you’re doing is like trying to paint the Mona Lisa blindfolded. Just went up and down hoping for the best. Pretty sure I created a couple of awkward bald-ish patches. Smooth.
Top Drama With Scissors
Here’s where the real fun began. The top needs texture and layers apparently. My scissors are definitely not thinning shears. So, I tried to “point cut” – basically just sticking the scissors straight up into the hair and snipping randomly. Felt ridiculous. Hair kept falling in my eyes, on the floor, probably in my coffee mug I forgot to move. Tried to cut it shorter towards the front? Looked like a wonky bowl cut for a hot second. Panic mode started.
Took wayyyy more off the top than I planned just trying to even it out. Ended up with way less hair than I wanted. Lesson learned: Scissors are sneaky thieves.
Final Adjustments and Reality Check
Stared at myself in the mirror from every possible angle. Front? Kinda okay. Left side? Passable. Right side? Uh… patchy. Back? Mystery land, probably looked like a poorly mowed lawn. Tried patching up the weak spots with the clippers on no-guard. Might have made it worse. Decided it was “lived-in texture” and called it a day.
DIY Barber School Dropout
Honestly, it wasn’t disastrous, but it ain’t Justin Herbert walking out of a Beverly Hills salon either. Here’s the loot from my battle:
- Clutch Those Mirrors: One mirror is never enough. Get that second mirror glued to your hand.
- Clipper Guards Rule: Bigger guard first! You can always go shorter, but you can’t glue it back on.
- Blending is Witchcraft: Seriously, this part is tough. Go slow. Or find a friend with steady hands and trust issues.
- Scissors = Danger: Unless you’ve trained under a sensei, be super cautious. Cut less than you think, especially on top.
- Texture Tips are Tricksy: Point cutting with regular scissors doesn’t give the same oomph as thinning shears. My hair just looks “chopped”.
- Herbert Probably Cheats: Pretty sure his hair just naturally does that with some gel. Mine requires force and prayer.
So yeah, I look different. Kinda sporty? Kinda like I cut my hair in the dark with rusty tools? Jury’s still out. But hey, I tried it myself. Didn’t cost $80, just a little pride and maybe a bald spot behind my left ear I pretend I don’t see. Would I recommend DIY? If you’re patient and don’t care about perfection, maybe. Otherwise… phone a friend with clippers. I dry my hair, slap on some paste, mess it up with my fingers, and hope for the best. Passable enough for the grocery store self-checkout!
