Alright let’s dive into my latest screw-up adventure. Figured I’d finally try this Anaconda choke everyone talks about. Looked cool online, figured it wasn’t that hard. Boy was I wrong. Here’s how I totally mangled it and what I finally, kind of, figured out.
The First Try – Pure Comedy
Watched a quick video. Thought “Yeah, I got this”. Jumped straight into rolling with my buddy Mike, trying to be slick. Okay, step one: trap the head and arm. Managed to get my arm around his neck somehow? But then everything went downhill fast. Tried wrapping my other arm around… something? Honestly, didn’t even know where my hands were supposed to go. Ended up basically just hugging Mike’s shoulder while he looked confused. Zero pressure, obviously. Felt like an idiot.
Frustration Sets In
Tried it again. And again. Keep hearing about this “window” you gotta get. Kept forcing it, trying to yank his head down with pure arm muscle. My shoulder started burning, Mike just wiggled his head out easy every time. Seriously questioned if this choke was actually real or just a meme. Got kinda pissed off. Thought maybe Mike was being difficult? (He probably wasn’t).
The Big Realizations (The Hard Way)
After several pathetic sessions, started paying attention to the details I glossed over:
- Grip Mess: Used my hands all wrong. Tried gripping Mike’s shoulder or chest? Dumb. You gotta get that deep grip on your own bicep, really lock that hand in place. Felt stupidly obvious later.
- Head Outta Position: Wasn’t smashing his head into my chest right. His head was basically floating free in space. Need to drive it down hard while locking the grip. Whole different feeling.
- Forgetting the Body: Just focused on my arms wrestling his head. Completely ignored my hips. You gotta roll back onto your shoulder and hip, kind of crunching in? Adds the power. Without that, you’re just noodle-arming.
Progress (Kinda)
Took a step back. Actually drilled it slowly, step-by-step, not trying to force it live.
- Started forcing myself to slide that arm deep under the neck first, not just anywhere near the head. Takes conscious effort.
- Got religious about locking the grip hand onto my bicep. Nothing else.
- Started remembering to shove their head down onto my chest with my shoulder/arm before even thinking about locking.
- Then, and only then, thought about using my body weight rolling back and squeezing my elbows in.
Felt WAY harder to escape when I finally put all the crappy pieces together slowly. Still not perfect, but the tap actually happened! Not because Mike felt sorry for me, either. Felt good. Really highlighted how much rushing the basics just makes you look (and feel) like a fool.
Moral? Don’t be like me initially. Respect the boring details like grip and head position from minute one. Trying to muscle through just wastes time and hurts your shoulder. Slow the heck down and glue the steps together right, even if it feels awkward.
