So yeah, been playing pickup goalie on Sundays for months now, maybe years. Felt pretty decent, you know? Could dive, catch some decent balls. Thought my defense game was solid. Then Kevin, this absolute jerk of a striker mate of mine, starts consistently scoring on me in the weirdest ways. Always low, always sneaking right past my leg or under me. Super annoying. Made me look like a total chump.
The Awful Realization
Anyway, one rainy Tuesday evening after getting absolutely rinsed at the park again, I finally sat down – actually felt myself SIT DOWN – trying to save a stupidly slow roller Kevin sent my way. Like, my butt literally hit the ground while the ball trickled in. Felt ridiculous. Kevin nearly pissed himself laughing, the prick. Right then, it hit me harder than one of his shots: my stupid butt kept hitting the ground too early. It was locking my legs down. Made it impossible to get power pushing sideways to cover those low corners. Every “keeper stance” video ever says stay on your balls, heels up, right? Yeah… wasn’t doing that.
Trying to Fix the Dumb Butt Drop
Next Sunday comes, I tell the lads, “Right, forget scoring. Just aim low at my corners. Anything.” My focus? ONE THING: Keep my butt OFF the damn floor. Sounds simple. Wasn’t. Felt insanely uncomfortable at first, almost wobbly. Like trying to squat permanently without resting. What I actually had to do:
- Bend my knees way more than I thought I needed. Almost like a frog, honestly.
- Leaned forward constantly. Chest over knees, pushing my weight onto the balls of my feet. Felt like I might tip over.
- Seriously, thought about my butt position every single time the ball moved near the goal. “Is it sagging? Get it up!”. Weird inner monologue happening.
- Every time I had to go low, I forced myself to step first THEN dive or extend, keeping my hips higher for longer.
The Pain and The Payoff
Honest truth? My thighs screamed after 10 minutes. Burned like mad. Felt super stiff and unnatural. Kevin still scored a bunch early on – easy near-post stuff because I was thinking about my arse instead of just reacting. Nearly chucked the whole idea. But… after a while, something clicked. Didn’t feel as wobbly. The low saves started changing.
- I could suddenly push off sideways much faster. Like, properly spring to that low corner instead of doing this weird collapsing flop.
- Reaching down to block shots didn’t involve my hips suddenly dropping and slowing me down halfway.
- Even when I did have to go fully down (like smothering), I hit the ground AFTER the ball, not before.
Started getting a hand or boot to shots that were previously automatic goals. Felt… competent. Still conceded, but the way I conceded wasn’t embarrassing anymore.
Where I’m At Now
Weeks later, it’s not a constant mental battle anymore, but I still feel myself checking my stance position, especially when I’m tired. Thighs don’t burn constantly. The biggest win? Kevin isn’t scoring those cheesy near-post grubbers nearly as much. The feeling of actually covering ground low is night and day compared to before.
Fixing the dumb butt drop literally felt like unlocking a whole new level in my basic positioning and dive power. Stupid simple thing to focus on, but it made such a massive difference once I forced myself to do it wrong until it felt less wrong. You probably do it too without realizing. Seriously, think about your keeper stance: butt high, chest forward. Saved my Sunday dignity, anyway. Now gotta work on my distribution… another horror story for later.
