So today I got this random idea to figure out how tough Blue Beetle really is. Everyone online’s yelling numbers at each other, so I rolled up my sleeves to test it myself. Here’s exactly how it went down.
Gathering the stuff
First thing Monday morning, I dug through my old comic boxes like a raccoon in a dumpster. Found a dozen Blue Beetle issues from different years, some with cover art ripped half-off. Scraped together every Jaime Reyes appearance I could find – didn’t care if they were bent or coffee-stained. Took me two hours just to unearth those stupid plastic scales I bought at the flea market for cosplay last Halloween.
My laptop’s barely working – fan sounds like a dying hair dryer – but I shoved pizza crumbs out the keyboard and fired up every hero wiki I know. Cross-referenced feats while eating cold toast. Seriously, who wrote this character’s power list? Half the entries contradicted the other half.
The testing phase breakdown
Alright, let’s get dirty:
Punch-o-Meter Disaster
Strapped those plastic beetle scales to a cinderblock in the garage. Borrowed my neighbor’s baseball bat as the hitter since Blue Beetle ain’t walking through my door. Whacked it full-force: scale shattered into blue plastic confetti. Measured fragments – not impressed. Barely scratched the cinderblock. Conclusion? Comic writers lie.
Energy Blast Fizzle
Grabbed my son’s toy laser tag guns, taped blue cellophane over the barrel. Tried recreating the scarab’s sonic cannon from issue #24. Shot microwave popcorn bags. Result? Three guns overheated and smelled like burning plastic. Popcorn didn’t even pop. Energy projection rating – zero.
Flight Test Fail
Tied garbage bags filled with helium balloons to a Blue Beetle action figure. “Fly, Jaime!” I shouted. That ugly figure just wobbled sideways and got stuck in my maple tree for three hours. Still hanging there. Calling this flight capability “generous” is like calling moldy bread gourmet.
Strength Showdown
Remember that comic where he lifts a school bus? Yeah right. Strapped action figure to remote control car and drove it under my wife’s Honda. Gave throttle full juice. Car died instantly. Honda didn’t budge. Plastic arm snapped off clean. That’s 700 pounds my ass.
Durability Nightmare
Dropped same action figure from garage roof. Leg broke off before it even hit concrete. Threw scraps in boiling water to test “energy resistance” – melted into sludge in 30 seconds. Screenshot those melted plastic remains and laughed all evening.
What Actually Happened
Ended up writing my findings in crayon on pizza box cardboard because I spilled coffee on my notes. Tape kept peeling off. Gave up measuring when my “energy scanner” (phone flashlight taped to a paper towel tube) caught fire testing thermal output. Nearly set off the smoke alarm again.
Thing is? This character’s power shifts like weather in April. One page he’s unstoppable, next page he’s getting his blue butt kicked by a mall cop. After a week of this nonsense? My garage smells like burnt plastic, I owe my neighbor a bat, and my kid’s pissed about his melted laser guns. Power level verdict? Depends who’s drawing him that week.
