So this week I decided to try what I’m calling a “series of pitches” thing at work. Sounds fancy, right? Spoiler: it was kinda messy. Gotta tell you how it really went down.
The Big Idea Strikes
Tuesday morning, boss slides into my DMs. “We need fresh project ideas by Friday’s client call,” he says. Panic mode, obviously. My brain? Just… nothing. So I figured, why not throw a bunch of darts and see what sticks? Hence, “series of pitches.” Made it sound planned. It wasn’t.
Digging Through the Junk Drawer
Grabbed my ancient notebook – the one with coffee stains and indecipherable scribbles from last quarter’s abandoned projects. Started flipping through pages like a madman. Found:
- Half-baked app idea about plant watering reminders
- Some weird social media campaign involving rubber ducks
- A loyalty scheme sketched on the back of a pizza receipt
Yeah. Real goldmine here. Took these scraps and tried to make ’em sound legit. Felt like polishing rocks and hoping someone mistakes them for diamonds.
The Glue Gun Approach
Wednesday was PowerPoint hell. Seriously. Opened a blank slide. Stared. Closed it. Repeat. Eventually, I just started slapping things together:
- Copy-pasted old bullet points nobody remembered
- Googled “professional presentation images” – used the first five results
- Made up numbers. Lots of numbers. Like, “Projected User Growth: 500%” levels of nonsense
Finished Slide 10 and thought: “Nobody will sit through this.” Too late now.
Tech Gremlins Attack
Thursday rehearsal. Tried sharing my screen to practice. Disaster.
First attempt: Forgot to unmute. Nobody told me for three minutes.
Second try: Internet died. Dropped the call mid-sentence.
Third time? Finally connected… only to realize Slide 7 had a giant typo: “Clinet Engagement Strategies.” Felt like a total clown. Had to redo half the deck at 11 PM with cold pizza as fuel.
The Grand Finale (Mostly Just Relief)
Friday morning. Dry mouth. Cold sweats. Logged into Zoom fifteen minutes early like a nervous squirrel. Client appears. I start talking way too fast.
- Pitched the plant app: Client looked confused
- Explained the rubber ducks: Silence. Awkward, thick silence
- Presented the loyalty scheme: They actually nodded!
Boss jumped in halfway through selling the scheme hard, like it was his idea all along. Client said “maybe” to that one idea. Rest? Dropped like hot potatoes. Got a thumbs-up emoji from the boss afterward. Called it a win. Mostly I was just glad it was over. Whole thing felt less like a strategic pitch series and more like throwing wet spaghetti at the wall. Some stuck. Most didn’t. On to next week’s fire drill!
